Did you know I’ve spent many months watching you on Facebook? Yep, quiet me, phone in hand, surfing away just about every hour. I’ve read your posts on productivity, procrastination or praise. Read your rants. Saw your vacation albums, saw you check in at your doctor appointment. Watched some of your videos.
Before I crawl out of bed, I’ve read what some of you ate for breakfast. By lunchtime, I’ve checked on you again(several times). Are you still talking to me? What will today bring us? More stress? Surprise joy? A tough diagnosis, a positive pregnancy test, a job offer? Or will I read of another wildfire?
Can you see me? Peeking into the window of your social life. Looking at pics of your newly decorated room, your book covers, your latest haircut, or your most recent camping trip. Lurking morning, noon, and night, and yes, even midnight if I can’t sleep. Sounds creepy, right? Well I feel creepy admitting this, but it’s true.
The crazy thing is I don’t even know some of you. I’ve never even met you in real life, but in some strange way, I feel like I know you. But are we really friends? Are you sharing the “real” you?
Oh and then to think there are millions of fake you’s out there. Who are you anyway? What do you want? And why are you watching me? Please don’t tell me we are actually “friends”.
No wonder I’m so tired. No wonder I can’t write anymore . No wonder I’m too emotionally exhausted to connect face to face anymore. Who wouldn’t be?
I’ve already had my social fix.
A thousand times over.
Every. Single. Day.
For months.
I finally hit my breaking point over the weekend. On the beach last week, I saw more Facebook updates than I did the Florida ocean waves right in front of me. Probably didn’t help that my community was (and still is) dealing with the Black Forest Fire. Didn’t help either that my neighborhood was on “pre-evacuation” status.
Well, I can’t live this way anymore. I need balance and boundaries again. I need a break from a stream of faces, photos, videos, ads, and statuses. I need to “get a life”. I want my own life back.
Truth is I knew this day would come. For months now, God has been asking me as I sift through my Facebook feed, “What are you looking for?”
Hmm, great question. What am I looking for?
I didn’t really know my answer, but now I know.
I was looking for love in all the wrong places. Again!
Did you know that’s my story of life? Ha. Looking for love in all the wrong places. Before turning my life back to God in my twenties, I went to bars looking for love. Let’s just say, that didn’t work. Don’t try it.
Logically I know online is not the place where I will find love. God is. But yet, I followed along and joined the club. Especially as a writer and speaker, I was taught by the experts to “create a tribe”(a group of like-minded friends). Develop a platform. Give. Engage. Be out there.
Funny thing is I never did create my own tribe because I was too busy watching yours. 
Go ahead, laugh with me please. I feel like a comedy of errors.
(***So now what? This week I deleted my Facebook app from my phone and instantly felt lighter. Yay! But at the same time, I also feel bored, somewhat lost and even afraid. What will I miss if I don’t have your beautiful faces in my hand?)
To be continued tomorrow. . . (more real talk, more truth about me and Facebook)
(SPECIAL NOTE: If you are reading this from inside Facebook, please note I am probably NOT there to comment. My blog automatically feeds into Facebook and Twitter. And I’m not changing that because someone on Facebook may need to read this. If you would like to talk with me, please comment directly inside my blog. Or feel free to email me at tiffany@teawithtiffany.com Thank YOU!)